When love's not working
by Loz06
Summary: NeilAndrea...all NeilAndrea. Sequel to 'While they're away'. Time away together gave Andrea a taste of what she could have with Neil. When she decides she wants it, will Neil be willing to give her what she wants from their relationship.
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: When love's not working

**Author**: Loz

**E-Mail**: loz06(at)yahoo(dot)com

**Rating**: T

**Category**: Neil/Andrea…all Neil/Andrea.

**Series**: First came 'At her door' then 'When the mighty fall' thirdly 'While his wife's away.' and number four was 'While they're away'

**Spoilers**: None or so general you're unlikely to notice.

**Archive (if applicable)**: www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net, I'm not sure of anywhere else relevant.

**Feedback**: The good, the bad and the very ugly it's all appreciated.

**Summary**: Time away together gave Andrea a taste of what she could have with Neil. When she decides she wants it, will Neil be willing to give her what she wants from their relationship.

**Author's Notes**: The end of this story marks the end of seventy one pages of my hand writing, I've got another fifty already with no sight in end - Are you game?

**Disclaimers**: I only borrow them when they're not working, returned in an only slight emotional mess.

* * *

The cool rush of air caresses Andrea's skin causing her to shiver. The open door to the corridor is the source of the air but Andrea doesn't register this until the wolf whistle pierces through the room. She looks up to see Lance, Steve and Gary filling the doorway.

"Oi," Honey objects doing up the last of her shirt buttons. The three don't have to be told twice, disappearing as silently as they arrived.

"What was that all about?" Andrea questions tying her last shoelace.

"Something to do with your secret lover," Honey replies grumpily.

"I keep telling everyone it's not true, I went to visit my family." Andrea seethes.

"Whatever, I've got enough troubles in my love life without worrying if you've got one." Honey says shortly slamming her locker door and putting an end to the conversation.

Andrea sighs, what a barrel of laughs she's going to be to be partnered with today. She's not sure what would be worse, an irate Honey or a pestering Yvonne.

Andrea's heart skips as beat as she joins the queue for refs. Buried in the corner of the canteen with a stack of paperwork Neil sits with Ken. She manoeuvres herself with a loaded tray through the patchwork of tables, selecting a seat two tables over from Neil.

"What are we doing all the way over here?" Yvonne's loud voice stretches to each corner of the room. On the inside Andrea cringes, trying to avoid you she thinks of her friend.

"Change is as good as a holiday." Andrea lies lamely. She glances at Neil who's still engrossed in his work.

"So," Yvonne prompts before her tray touches the table.

"So what?" Andrea replies dully pushing her food around the plate.

"The dirty weekend I want all the details."

"The only dirt during my weekend came home on my shoes from my parents land." Andrea says feigning disinterest.

"Andrea." Yvonne whines and in the corner of her eye Andrea sees Neil look in her direction for the first time. "Just give up and tell me who this guy is." Neil's attention stays.

"I keep telling you there's no one." Andrea replies assigning annoyance to her tone. "The DI is staring at you."

"Come on you know I live vicariously through others." Yvonne says not bothering to lower her voice or turn her head to see Neil listening in.

"Well you won't be doing much living if you stick with me." Andrea says steadily, Neil's concentration is divided between Ken and Andrea's conversation.

"You're breaking the girlfriends' code." Yvonne accuses.

"What code?" Andrea snorts.

"You know the one where you confide in your friends about the new man in your life."

"Enough Yvonne!" Andrea glares at her friend. "You're embarrassing me, there is no one and I can't believe you think I wouldn't tell you if I was seeing someone new."

Silence falls between the two as they finish their food.

"Is he hot?" Yvonne whispers leaning in close to Andrea. Slowly a smile spreads over Andrea's face and the two giggle together.

* * *

Later that night Andrea silently moves through CID. Samantha Nixon is hunched over her computer with her back to Andrea. So engrossed in what she's doing she doesn't notice or at least doesn't bother with Andrea's presence. She knocks twice softly on Neil's door, opening it before he's given permission. His tie is off; a glass that once probably held alcohol rests on his desk. When he sees his visitor is Andrea the pen in his hand drops onto what he was working on, pushing back he sits wholly in his chair.

"Hi." Andrea says feeling apprehensive about being here given Neil's lukewarm response.

"Yvonne certainly had a lot to say today." Neil stands and stares onto the street outside.

"Yvonne, she..." Andrea begins but is cut off by Neil.

"How much does she know?"

"Nothing, she knows nothing, what she thinks she knows is another amount all together." Andrea watches Neil's reaction in the reflection of the glass. His silence encourages the growth of her concern. "I didn't tell her if that's what you're thinking…" There's an edge in Andrea's voice.

"I can't see you this week." Neil says turning to face Andrea. The statement stabs at Andrea not once but as many times as she replays the conversation in her mind. "Philippa and this case, this guy she extradited, she's in court of a day and she has all her work at home, it's everywhere, taken over the house and…" His voice fades knowing Andrea doesn't want to hear this.

Biting her lip and looking up in an effort to blink away her tears, Andrea says what she needs to. "Before we went away I told you I feared it was just compensation because you were taking your wife away after."

"That's not what's happening here." Neil says forcefully.

"It's the same as taking her away." Andrea replies becoming upset.

"What do you want me to do Andrea I have to be careful, I can't make up five difference excuses for the week."

"Don't do me any favours," Andrea spits turning to go through the door, she pauses with one hand on the doorknob. "For someone who can only handle one woman at a time what the hell are you doing having an affair?" She slams the door behind her, thankful that Samantha Nixon is gone. For the rest of the week she makes sure their paths don't cross and Neil doesn't approach her.

* * *

Andrea is grateful for the busy Wednesday morning. It had been over a week since her last conversation with Neil and she'd lived most of the time in between then and now inside her head, thinking about it all. Last night she'd packed all the things he'd left at her place now the box stared at her from the dining table. A detoxification was what she needed and this morning it came in the form of domestics, drugs, disobedient daughters and an old lady who wanted to file a missing persons report for her dog. It was all the therapy Andrea needed, she didn't once think of Neil till she arrived back at the station with Tony that afternoon for refs.

He stands at the top of the ramp, eyes fixed on her as she exits the car. She slows her motions of shutting the door, digesting him in the navy suit he wears so well. Tony has gone ahead leaving Andrea to approach the ramp slowly.

"PC Dunbar."

"Sir," Andrea replies swallowing and allowing distance between them.

"Andrea." His voice softens reaching out an arm to direct her closer to the wall, as if it might make some difference to the privacy of their conversation. "You need to get out of that uniform."

"Sir I think that's what they call sexual harassment."

"You're coming with me; I cleared it with Inspector Gold." His tone is business like but lacks the bravado it has when louder.

"And that's police sanctioned kidnapping, what's this about Neil?" Irritation seeps into Andrea's voice.

"Please Andrea." His voice betrays the fact this conversation is Neil and Andrea as opposed to professional titles.

"Is it work related?"

"No." He sighs.

"I'm not going anywhere non-work related with you."

"Fine. It just became work related. I'll wait while you change." A force in his voice compels her to at least get in the car and hear him out.

Neither say anything in the car or as they enter the café on High Street, a very visible and public café. Already Andrea thinks she knows what this is about and what he'll say…she has suspicions as to why the conversation will happen here and not behind the door of his office.

"Coffee?" The whole excursion is a peace offering, a make up for.

"I'll by my own." Andrea says sturdily and sits across the table from Neil with equal confidence once their drinks are made. He stirs his coffee adding sugar and dragging out the silence between them.

"This was your idea Neil, say something." Andrea pushes.

"I couldn't see you last week, Philippa has been around, she's seen Phil Hunter in court, she knows there's nothing big on at the office at the moment and…" His voice falters. "And I know you don't want to hear this."

"Given the fact I wasn't really given a choice to come here or not, I didn't really expect to dictate the topic of conversation from either of us."

"I have to be careful Andrea; I have to maintain our affair as a secret. It takes work and some things and sometimes I can't cover up. You don't have to lie to anyone…maybe you want this out in the open."

"Don't be ridiculous, for you it might be keeping a secret but all I see at the moment is you hot and cold, back on and then backing off again. You can't juggle and it just seems like the balance of your time is falling in favour of your wife. Do you want me or am I some doll; a toy you pick up when you're bored or your wife's away." Andrea answers indignantly, stirring her coffee with vigour.

"You know that's not true." Neil replies after a sad pause. "I don't get it; you were the one who was happy for me not to leave Philippa."

"I accept in an affair we're using each other, but right now I feel like your using me more than I am you."

"What happened to sympathy and it must be tough on me having so many people demanding something of me."

"I'd feel sorry for you in that respect if I didn't think all you were doing at the moment is picking and choosing the best bits for yourself, weekend away with Andrea here, week at home with Philippa there…"

"You need to calm down and think about this, you're being unreasonable." There's a hard edge to Neil's voice.

"Look where we are Neil, an open public space where anyone can see us, tell me this isn't to make up for not being with me last week. You said yourself the weekend away was to make up for the car park dates." Silence prevails again and it's a moment before Neil replies.

"Maybe it would be best if…" Neil begins with a twinge of sadness in his voice.

"Neil Manson, long time!" The voice takes them both by surprise; their discussion had been so intense to the detriment of everything around them.

"Kevin Masters." Neil stands to shake the hand of the large sandy haired man who's now standing next to the table. He glances at Andrea in confusion. "You ordering?" Neil asks, when he gets an affirmative answer Neil steps to the counter placing Andrea out of earshot. As she downs the rest of her coffee she considers getting up and walking back to the station.

Neil slides back into his seat as Kevin Masters glances once more at Andrea without trying to be obvious; it's been ten minutes by Andrea's watch. "Let's go." Neil says watching his acquaintance through the front glass; he gets in his car and disappears down the street.

Andrea stares at Neil wondering what's going on. His coffee which he's lost interest in is untouched and now cold. He leaves Andrea no opportunity to debate, question or argue instead striding out of the café leaving Andrea still seated wondering when on earth they're going to discuss, scream and yell this out properly.

She's six steps behind him heading back to the car and doesn't have the inclination to break the silence on the drive back to the station.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

Her flat looks cold and empty when Andrea comes home the next night. It always felt more like a home than a flat when Neil was in it. She feels confusion about their relationship, mostly because nothing has been resolved; admitting to herself she isn't totally blameless is hard. After setting a frozen meal to reheat she busies herself with household tasks trying to push aside the inclination to think. Her mind goes into overdrive when there's a knock at the door – part of her dreads the fact it may be him, the other skips with anticipation.

His head is down, jacket missing and he looks humble.

"Don't you have a key?" Andrea asks leaning against the opened door.

"Thought I'd better knock," he says looking up.

"You'd better come in." Andrea says softly maintaining eye contact.

In the kitchen she leans against the counter at the opposite end from Neil. He never stops looking at her and there's silence for a moment, not a comfortable one.

"Smells good," he broaches. "I can't stay…Philippa."

"It's o.k." Andrea forgives and it seems to buoy Neil's confidence as if he anticipated this would be a contentious point.

"The guy in the café, Kevin Masters, he's an old friend of Philippa's and mine from university. We keep in contact; have a meal together every now and then. He asked about you, who you were and I told him we were working – I didn't expand on what we were working on."

Andrea nods.

"It will come up the next time we go out for a meal; Philippa will know what I just told you. I just thought you should know."

"We need to talk Neil, not a five minute conversation where we resolve nothing." Neil nods once in agreeance.

"I can't now. I…"

"You should go I understand." Andrea gives permission and waits as she gets the feeling there's more Neil wants to say.

"Can I come over tomorrow night?"

"Sure." Andrea says and Neil disappears from her flat with a whispered goodbye.

* * *

Inside the privacy of the meeting room of CSU the next night Andrea waits for Neil to join her after receiving his message. Last time she was here…she doesn't want to think about that. Squeezing her eyes closed she tries to calm herself only to be interrupted by the door opening. 

Neil closes it carefully checking who's in CSU and if they're watching through the open blinds. Andrea expects him to settle into a chair as she has, her anticipation was that this would be a long conversation – he stands.

"I'm just here to tell you I can't make it tonight." He waits a beat. "I'm sorry."

Not to be left crying this time Andrea exits the room slamming the door with all the anger she can muster. Any attention her actions might attract is the least of her concerns. At this point she convinces herself she'd be relieved to have this relationship added to her stack of other failures.

* * *

"Andrea!" Neil's voice fills the dark spaces of her flat startling Andrea who is reading in bed, she hadn't heard his key in the door. 

It's a matter of moments before he materialises in her doorway. "What are you doing here so late?" She does little to hide the anger in her voice.

"Say what you want to say." He instructs her confidently.

"We spend five minutes talking in which we resolve nothing and the only thing you can suggest is we break up." Andrea says putting down her book.

"Yes and things around our relationship got tough and I pulled away."

"You cancelled last night." Andrea reminds him.

"I did, we never came this close to being found out before and I panicked. I don't want us to end; I don't want to lose you. I need your patience, I want to be with you but I don't want to rush this and I don't think you want me to either." With the last comment Andrea softens.

"I wasn't without blame, I'm sorry for being so unreasonable." With her admission Neil feels safe to sit on the end of the bed next to her.

"Said it at the start, this wasn't going to be easy you and I." Neil reminds her and Andrea smiles in agreeance. "I can stay for a while." He lifts his hand halfway to her face, hesitating Andrea takes his hand in hers, leaning into his touch.

Andrea pushes back the covers inviting him into the bed. He holds her until she falls asleep lying on top of the bed, shoes still on his feet. Like a rubber band stretched so many times it no longer springs back, they still aren't quite back to normal.

* * *

"Good morning." Honey chimes joining he group in the corridor. The glowing smile and cheery temperament are in stark contrast to the other day. 

"One for you and for you and…" She repeats as the envelopes are handed to Andrea, Steve and Lance. "Hope you can all make it." Leaving the group astonished she moves on looking for more unwitting parties, their eyes follow her till she's skipped around the corner.

"It smells like vanilla." Lance says screwing his nose up against the paper.

"And it's pink." Steve adds with equal distaste.

"Oh God," Yvonne groans.

"What?" Andrea asks turning her own envelope over.

"It's an invitation to her birthday do; I totally forgot it was coming up." Yvonne says annoyed with herself.

"When is it?" Lance scans the invitation.

"The twenty eighth," Steve answers quickly; the girls look up from their invitations raising their eyebrows.

"Says here the party is on the second," Andrea reads off the scented paper. As soon as she says it the date strikes her, although she can't place it she knows it holds some significance. "Would you excuse me?"

In the locker room Andrea takes her diary from the top shelf. The second of next month is vacant meaning she can RSVP to attend Honey's party. The second that was fifteen whole days ago is open as well – no appointments or anything. As she flips back to the second of last month Andrea realises what she'll find, when she does she reaches a hand to rest on her locker door and then her head rests gently on the cold steel. Minutes later she sits on the bench with the page open in front of her, the red circle that glares back at her records her last period, a red circle that's conspicuously absent from the second of this month.

"What's up with you?" Lance prods Andrea later in the shift, with good reason. She's massively distracted and has spent the entire shift back tracking through her behaviour for the past month – searching for pregnancy symptoms. The only thing that stands out is her fainting in the corridor the day Neil took her home. She puts it down to the fact she worked herself up about Philippa and the boutique.

"Nothing," Andrea appeases Lance using her cheeriest tone. She spends the afternoon telling herself she can't be pregnant in an effort to squash the nausea in the pit of her stomach.

* * *

She dreams that night of standing in a park on a bright spring day. In her arms a baby, a happy healthy baby, the combination of Neil and her physical features. In the distance she sees Neil approaching, crossing the freshly cut grass his whole face smiling. Andrea smiles back until it slowly becomes clear he's looking past Andrea and the child in her arms, she turns seeing Philippa and Colin standing behind her smiling as he is. The child in Andrea's arms starts to wail and cannot be pacified as Neil disappears into the distance with his family; Andrea's tears join that of the child in her arms. 

Bolting upwards in bed, Andrea breathes heavily trying to shake the mental picture of Neil leaving her with an unwanted pregnancy; although it disappears her night's sleep is anything but restful.

* * *

Biting her bottom lip she watches Yvonne's fingers fly over the keyboard from the corridor outside. She bites down harder, pushing the door open instantly gaining Yvonne's attention. 

"Can I talk to you later?" Andrea asks calmly.

"Fifteen minutes, refs in the canteen?" Yvonne suggests, Andrea can tell from her expression the day so far has been stressful.

"See you then." The feelings of apprehension Andrea had before deciding to confide in Yvonne are gone.

Purposely selecting the table farthest from anyone, Andrea waits for Yvonne stirring the tea in her cup until the sugar has well and truly dissolved.

"Talk about a morning, teenage gangs, graffiti and Shirley…" Yvonne begins sitting across from Andrea.

"Yvonne." Andrea interrupts. "I don't want to be rude but I need to talk about me."

"O.k.," Yvonne accepts though hurt still creeps into her voice.

"You see I've…" As Andrea is about to explain Neil walks in grabbing a cup of something, she immediately has second thoughts.

"Well." Yvonne prompts, annoyance in her voice. But Andrea's not paying attention, she watches Neil sit at the nearest table and begin to flip through the paper. He gets no further than the first page when Jim enter, leans over to tell him something and leaves with Neil following briskly behind. Andrea turns her attention back to her friend and steels herself.

"You know how you thought I was seeing someone, well I am." Andrea doesn't feel the proverbial weight lift off her shoulders. For a moment Yvonne stares at her almost stunned.

"I knew it; I should be able to do this for a living." She says with the biggest grin. "Do I know him, is it someone here?"

"It's no one here, no one you know, I met him while I was out one night, the thing is…he's married." Yvonne's facial judgement is harsh and where she was sitting close to Andrea for details she pushes back into her chair.

"O.k. no judgment," Yvonne replies holding up her open palms to Andrea.

"In need your advice Yvonne because I might be pregnant." Concern covers Yvonne's face as she too bites her bottom lip.

"First of all, what's the degree of married?" Yvonne asks calmly taking a few minutes to digest the news.

"Degree of married?" Andrea questions.

"Yeah divorced; getting divorced; separated; married married?"

"Married, married." Andrea replies a little sheepishly.

"Kids?"

"One," after a moment of consideration Yvonne hugs her friend spontaneously.

"My advice is get out before you get hurt. He either won't leave her or resent you because his ex wife cleaned him out during the divorce."

"That's what I thought." Their collective mood turns glum.

"Get a test before you start getting worried, so you know for sure. Do you want me to come buy one with you?" Yvonne's hand covers Andrea's squeezing it for strength.

"No but thanks for the offer."

"Call me anytime; I won't give you a hard time anymore."

"That'd be good." Andrea replies breaking into a brilliant smile.

* * *

After her shift Andrea finds herself walking up and down the aisles of a chemist that she knows no one will recognise her in. She desperately hopes not to run into anyone she knows as she allows nerves to take over. There are six different types of tests staring back at her when Andrea finds the shelf she needs. Blowing a breath past her lips she feels a little panicky at the sight of the options, eventually grabbing one of each. 

The cashier looks like she wants to say congratulations as she scans the tests but fear and uncertainty on Andrea's face holds her back.

In the sanctuary of her bathroom Andrea opens the boxes staring at the tiny test that will allay her fears or blow her life to smithereens. One after another she takes the tests, not looking at the results until she's sitting nervously on top of her toilet lid.

A cry chokes in her throat as she realises each of the tests is showing a different icon which is not obviously positive or negative. Through tears she fumbles for the boxes in an attempt to decipher the different coloured lines, squares and rectangles. Each one is negative and her tears fall steadier this time, for another reason.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

Andrea tidies her flat racing against an invisible opponent – Neil's key turning in the door. She thinks about their conversation earlier in the day, he'd stopped her in the corridors after she took a call about a break in. Tony had given her a look but she was much more concerned with Neil's face. There's nothing she can read but as he asks if she'd allow him to come around that night, Andrea thinks she sees some uncertainty, openness.

In the bathroom the pregnancy tests stare back at her, the boxes still scattered across the countertop, the tests lined up showing their negative results. She makes a decision then and there not to tell Neil, using the negative result as her reason.

They're relationship is already off kilter and this herb is hardly going to spice things up. Andrea drops the tests and their boxes one after another into the kitchen bin; she hopes this is the last time she has to use a home test kit until there's a ring on her finger and a loving, supporting partner to be with her.

She pours two glasses of wine, drinking one quickly to quell the nerves that have risen. It isn't long before the alcohol warms her insides; the volume consumed quickly lightens her head. She refills the glass as she hears his key in the door, standing in the kitchen doorway she's filled with a false confidence from the wine.

"Hi." He says stepping in the doorway, arms laden with take out. Andrea leans forward and kisses him briefly on the lips.

"Wine?"

"Sure." He accepts placing their meals on the counter; he makes quick work of removing the dishes from their containers and putting them on plates. Andrea searches for a matching set of knives and forks in the hand-me-downs from her family. She doesn't hear the bin open and with her back turned she doesn't see Neil open it with the intention of dropping the empty containers in.

"Are you pregnant?" She feels his voice and question hit her in the pit of her stomach. The life draining from her face, her ability to move restricted. She takes a deep breath before answering, the nerves return, accompanied by nausea.

"No, the test was negative." Her back still turned she realises the source of her anxiety is Neil's reply. She turns slowly and sees uneasiness and a definite urge to pull away in his eyes; she's seen the latter enough to recognise it now.

Setting the cutlery and wine down next to the food she waits for Neil to reply, never allowing her eyes to leave his.

"Were you going to tell me?" There's a hint of anger in the question.

"I only found out this week, but yes when I'd gotten my head around it I was going to tell you."

A small part of her thinks maybe they're going to talk this one out. Instead Neil offers nothing putting the test that has rested in his hand during the conversation back into the bin, covering it with the take out containers.

Andrea sighs annoyed picking up her plate and heading to the sofa. What she really needs is to talk about this but clearly that isn't going to happen. Instead she fills her mouth with Asian vegetables, skipping aimlessly through the television channels.

She ignores the dip in the sofa when Neil sits down next to her a few minutes later. Determined not to be the first to speak they sit side by side while Andrea continues to move spinningly through the stations.

"You're making me feel dizzy Andrea." Neil says finally, watching as she stops on an American hospital drama. Silence prevails again, the longer it lasts the more she stews in the situation and the angrier she gets.

"Did you want...?" Neil asks softly, cutting though Andrea's irateness.

"It's not as if either of us are in a situation to have a child together right now." Andrea replies after consideration, and then something occurs to her. "Or wants anymore children."

For the first time since the kitchen she turns her head to look him in the eye. His expression is blank to her and then he removes eye contact. His non reply to her question is telling for Andrea, she waits running the words she wants to say through her head.

"You should go." She says with conviction but not forcefully. Waiting a moment before giving him her eyes she continues. "I know this has made you want to pull away, to run back to Philippa, you should go."

Andrea won't look at him as he gets off the sofa, the plate clanging on the floor in front of him. Andrea jumps as her front door slams and a single tear sets off a flood of emotion.

* * *

A week lapses without contact from Neil and Andrea rides a roller coaster of emotion, some nights she curses him and all the traits she can't stand in him right now. Other times the emptiness of the flat and her bed hits her and missing him eats at her from the inside out, tears her occasional friend. 

"Again," Tony exclaims the following week as Andrea's phone beeps for the sixth time that morning. He negotiates a lane change through the heavy midday traffic.

"Yeah, sorry," Andrea apologises keeping her phone tightly closed. So far Neil has averaged five messages a day asking her to come see him in his office. He'd caught up with her each day asking if he could come over the following night, each time Andrea has said no, quickly walking away after knocking him back.

She wasn't ready to talk yet she needed more breathing space.

"I'll be glad when this day's over; it's been long and boring." Tony sighs stopping to give way.

"Yeah," Andrea says absently, today and this week have been anything but for her.

"You going to Honey's birthday tomorrow?"

"Looking forward to it," which wasn't a lie, she'd told herself she needed to let her hair down with her friends, the all purpose cure for anything – especially men.

As Andrea gathers her things after shift she moves carefully out of the station in an attempt to avoid Neil. Her phone beeps again and this time she opens it, there are some twenty messages all stored in her phone, all from Neil. She snaps the phone shut saying goodbye to Sheelagh on the way to her car.

Sighing heavily she stops as Neil comes into sight. There's no luxury of turning away as he spots her immediately and something tells her he'll wait forever. She fumbles for her keys as she approaches the car hoping to brush him off and make a fast getaway.

"What do you want Neil?" Andrea says darkly activating the unlock function in her car.

"I want to talk to you."

"I got that much; I've got a phone full of messages." She informs him tossing her bag into the back.

"You've been ignoring me."

"I need more time." She says softly.

"So you can think us out of existence, I don't think so."

"I'll call you when I'm ready to talk." Andrea sighs slipping into her seat. Neil grabs the handle of the passenger door, sliding in next to her. "What do you think you're doing?"

"I want to talk to you Andrea, tonight at yours." He says confidently.

"No Neil!" Andrea says forcefully.

"Tomorrow night then?"

"I've got Honey's birthday do." She says trying to keep her irritation at bay.

"Find a time Andrea or I'll be there at Honey's birthday in front of everyone." The threat makes Andrea step back, the increasing nastiness of the conversation from both of them surprised her. She'd always figured Neil would back down in this situation, adopt a position that didn't include putting up a fight, easier to slip quietly back to Philippa. Then again maybe that stance could be manipulative tactic, making her work to get him back.

"You won't do that you've got too much to lose." Andrea laughs realising how simple and baseless the threat is.

"So have you." Neil reminds her and then goes to exit the car. Andrea stops him with a hand on his arm.

"If you come anywhere near that party you'll find me the next night doing a Highland fling on your marital bed, kilt and all." She waits a moment letting Neil absorb the bitter words. "Fling what a coincidental word."

In the rear vision mirror Andrea watches him watch her pull away from the curb and power down the street.

* * *

"Andrea you came." Honey opens her arms wide, drink slopping over the edge of the glass. 

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," Andrea embraces her friend who is well on her way to being drunk.

"Pull up a drink and I'll get you a chair from the bar." Honey muddles, Andrea only smiles ordering a beer she plans the make the first of many.

After a half hour the messages begin, one every ten minutes for an hour. Andrea cruises past the front windows on her way to the toilet, like his text messages have said Neil sits in his car outside the venue. Andrea ignores him.

"You're popular tonight." Gina Gold comments as Neil's messages start coming in five-minute increments.

"This guy I was seeing that I it broke off with last week won't get the hint." Andrea lies, catching Yvonne's attention with the last piece of information.

"Another round," Yvonne suggests. "My shout," which goes down with the group very well. "Give me a hand would you Andrea."

Knowing she'll be concerned Andrea approaches the bar while the publican pours their drinks. "Is what you just told Gina Gold true?"

"Almost, I haven't formally broken off anything…he's text messaging me because he wants to…" Andrea stops as she sees Neil walk in front of the windows looking right at her. Yvonne's too busy trying to balance the drinks in her hand. "Talk," Andrea finishes taking some of the load from Yvonne. "But really it's over." She finishes smiling at her friend. "It's for the best."

"Let's drown your sorrows." Yvonne suggests chinking their glasses together once they're back at the table.

"Andrea Dunbar!" The publican calls over the loud atmosphere minutes later. She turns expecting the worst only to see the burley publican holding up the house phone.

"Do you want me to tell him?" Gina offers, getting the voice of approval from the rest of the party.

"Thanks but I can handle it." Andrea informs her tipsy colleagues.

"Who is it?" She asks taking the phone in her hand.

"Some guy called Neil." The publican says while pouring another beer. The receiver in Andrea's hand slams back onto the phone and from across the pub she gets a cheer.

"If he calls back tell him I'm not here." Andrea instructs with a smile, she feels empowered. "My shout," she calls to the party receiving another cheer. But what she sees next makes her feel sick to the stomach. Neil pushes through the double doors looking directly at her. Never did she ever consider he'd carry out the threat, her feet carry her through the maze of patrons finally bursting through the doors into the cool night air. She hears him behind her as she scans for his car, buried in the dark corner of the lot.

"I hope you're happy, you had to stoop to childish, stalker tactics to get me out here." Andrea seethes leaning against the car as he approaches.

"Shut up." He says softly, pressing his lips to hers and using his arms to stop her struggling against him. She pushes at his chest and shoulders refusing to move lips to kiss him back. His touch irrespective of the fact it's fighting her resistance reawakens feelings in her, she remembers how much she's missed them and soon she's kissing him back with equal intensity, hands across his back and through his hair. When Neil separates his lips reluctantly away hers he pulls her into his embrace, her face buried behind his ear – she missed this too – the feeling of safety, security and contentedness of being held in someone's arms. "Get in its cold out here." Neil says brushing away a single tear that has overflowed.

Inside he rests a hand on her chest at the base of her neck, left bare by the 'v' cut of her shirt. "You're so damn stubborn." He tells her absorbing each inch of her face. Andrea can think of nothing, thoughts clouded by the desire to kiss him again and again. She lets her heart take over but she won't admit out loud that she's missed him.

"Where are we going?" Andrea breathes as Neil starts the car.

"I can't do what I want to here." As the car drifts through the dark streets Andrea gives a momentary thought to the unpaid pints she left on the bar and the birthday celebration now abandoned.

They pull mercilessly at each other's clothes once Andrea's flat door closes off the outside world. Lips miss their mark as limbs tangle in a hurry to feel skin on skin. Clothes remain where they fall creating a path from the front door to the bedroom; separation has made them greedy for one another.

"You can't tell me you weren't scared and apprehensive all those things when you thought you might be pregnant." Lying on their stomachs facing one another Neil says what he's wanted to for days. "You know it's the wrong time and would turn everything upside down." His comments elicit a different response from Andrea than he wanted.

"I need to talk to you about it and you shut down on me." Andrea's voice is gentle, watching as Neil presses his lips together.

"I love you, I want to be with you but you expect to put me on the spot and get a positive response. You had the relative luxury of having the news to yourself for a while so you could go through all the highs and lows alone without the pressure of having to react a certain way for someone else. What if I wanted the baby and you didn't, I needed time to think and digest – we were not careful one time, what if the result was positive and all the things that come after that, what about Colin and my responsibilities to him. There are a million things you don't think about until it happens or almost in this case."

"I needed you not to shutdown, what if there was a baby." She emphasises. "You made me feel as if you'd be out the door never to come back."

"Things would just have to move faster than I feel comfortable with. For the record I didn't leave the other night because I wanted to shut down or run back to Philippa, you weren't happy with me and I wasn't going to get anywhere while you needed time to yourself. If this was all in a few years from now…" Neil breaks off the sentence smiling and answering Andrea's earlier more children question. She knows what he means by a few years, after a divorce and when they've got a place, when their lives are their own. For the first time in a long time she feels better.

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

* * *

Wanting nothing more than to be left alone, Andrea thinks 'typical' as the ladies bathroom door opens. She'd awaken this morning to find Neil gone, no note or anything...Any ground they'd gained last night slipped out from underneath her.

"Here you are." Yvonne's voice laced with concern. "I've been looking for you and wondering where you got to last night – we all did."

Andrea sighs looking up from the hand-washing basin she stands in front of, Yvonne's reflection looks back at her.

"He showed up outside the pub."

"You were drinking last night; your test must have been negative." Yvonne suggests and Andrea nods in the affirmative. "You didn't break it off?"

"We ended up doing the opposite actually." Andrea says turning the tap in front of her on.

"Pregnancy scare didn't slow you down then." Yvonne comments wryly and earns a shooting dirty look from Andrea.

"Sorry…you look like you could use cheering up, let's go to the movies tonight." A smile slowly spreads across Andrea's face.

"I'd like that. I'm just going to splash my face with water and I'll be out."

Although the office is dark, neither of them requires light. Hands know each inch of their bodies, tongues of their mouths. Andrea doesn't know why she's here except she needs to kiss him. Increasingly her head is winning the battle with her heart and is telling her to end this but she keeps coming back, craving his physical contact. She does love him but they're not communicating and Andrea's heart is increasingly demanding more of him, more that he is too slowly forthcoming with.

His lips are on her neck, her hands messing his hair and the familiar tingle peppers across her lips from too much kissing…they'll be swollen later.

It's getting close to the time she's supposed to meet Yvonne but she's intoxicated and can't leave him. His lips find hers again, rekindling their passionate duel. When they slow, gentle kisses are placed on her cheeks, with his lips on her forehead he tells her he has to go because of a family thing; convenient he doesn't have to look at the hurt in her eyes. She closes her eyes; body slumping only to feel his lips barely brush her eyelids.

With one last kiss on the lips he tells her he'll see her tomorrow and leaves her in the dark office. Andrea's sits numb, it takes a 'where are you?' phone call from Yvonne to break her trance.

* * *

"What do you want to see?" Yvonne looks up at the electronic board that flashes the movies and their session times. 

"Something where all cheating men are lined up and suffer long painful and agonising deaths at the hands of the women they've scorned."

"I'm sorry but 'The revenge of the bitter and twisted woman' is no longer showing." Yvonne jokes, but she's worried.

Andrea laughs feeling her mood lift. "Thanks for suggesting this I feel better already."

"You don't really feel that way about him do you, I mean I could understand if you were the one married to him." Yvonne asks carefully.

"You weren't going to talk about it." Andrea reminds her friend.

"I said I wouldn't give you a hard time, this isn't giving you a hard time."

"I don't feel that way." She pauses gathering her words. "I love him still and the vast majority of my memories are good ones but it could never go any further he isn't free to love me." Yvonne picks up the melancholy in Andrea's voice.

"A comedy definitely," Yvonne takes Andrea's arms and directs them to the ticket counter. "Can I trust you to get the popcorn or will it be soggy when it gets to me?"

Andrea smirks and joins the considerably long line. It moves only two places before Yvonne's voice fills Andrea's ears again; she turns to her left seeing her friend waving their tickets. "We'll miss the previews at this rate."

Andrea freezes, eyes having strayed to the family behind Yvonne. "Hello again," Philippa Manson says pleasantly, Yvonne turns to identify the owner of the voice.

"Hello." Andrea forces her voice and smile. The same nauseated guilt pumps through her body that had at the boutique. To the right of his wife, Neil looks equally as uncomfortable.

"This is the second time we've run into one another." Philippa comments and it's all Andrea can do, keep the smile and the yes's coming. Her eyes stray to the child standing next to Neil and her heart sinks. The day they'd spent fishing Neil had told her everything about Colin, his characteristics, funny stories and the moments that made Neil melt as a father.

"We haven't been introduced, I'm Yvonne Hemmingway." Philippa exchanges pleasantries with Yvonne, as Andrea cannot remove her eyes from Colin who is the spitting image of his father.

"Would you excuse me I have to go to the ladies." Andrea doesn't wait for a reply, forcing herself to walk normally not run. Behind her she hears Yvonne say something about boyfriend troubles. She doesn't see Neil watch her till she disappears and Yvonne doesn't realise the significance of his look following her.

Locked in a toilet stall Andrea lets the tears fall in private. It's all too much, the guilt, the fact she wants more from him that he's not willing to give right now, the almost baby and seeing Colin.

In the darkness of the theatre she finds Yvonne alone and lies saying she's fine but Yvonne is nobodies fool, she knows there's a lot more that Andrea's not telling.

That night Andrea's dreams carry her back to the courtroom. Her father sits in the judge's chair; the jurymen's voices echo the word guilty off the walls Andrea cannot see for the darkness. Slowly the gallery joins in – over and over in a chant. But all Andrea sees is the disappointment on her father's face, his head shaking in disapproval.

* * *

Hesitantly Andrea approaches Yvonne in the briefing room the next morning. "I'm sorry about last night, I saw the DI and his family and it reminded me of…" Her words trail. 

"You gotta get your head fixed Andrea, it's the DI and his wife who deserve an apology." Yvonne whispers so others aren't privy to their conversation.

"I'm ending it tonight." Andrea says with conviction but smiling sadly. Yvonne gives her a quick hug before the room gradually starts to fill.

Standing up against her car Andrea breathes deeply as she sees Neil pull up, she watches him get out of the car and lean next to her.

"Talk about going your full circle from car park to living together to weekends away and back to the car park." Andrea smiles ironically then drops her head. "It's over Neil."

"What?" He says, Andrea can hear the confusion and panic in his voice. He's now standing to face her.

"I'm ending this." Andrea confirms, meeting her eyes with his for the first time.

"Andrea, why? If this is about last night," confidence has drained from his voice, he's sounding vulnerable.

"It's not about last night; all those times you asked me if I'm happy…" Andrea asks him to recall.

"You're not anymore." Neil finishes quietly.

"Here's the line in the sand I'm drawing." Andrea scrapes the toe of her shoe in a line along the concrete ground. "I want this to go somewhere beyond what it is now. I need to feel like this is a relationship, that I'm not being used, that it's not wham bam thank you ma'am and a few hundred quid by the bed and you're gone in the morning."

"You were the one who told me this can't be a relationship." Neil counters.

"Like it is yes, but I need things to change, I need to feel it is a relationship."

"I can't give you anymore Andrea; I spend most of my spare time with you and then some. I can't neglect the other people in my life – if I did it'd be five minutes till someone found out about us."

"Yet I still feel you're keeping me at arms length so you can maintain plausible deniability."

"For now this is all I can give Andrea."

"It's not enough, I want to be with you." She emphasises. "I don't want to be someone you can scrub out of your diary at the last minute, I don't want to go out in public with you as a way for you to make something up to me, I don't want to feel cheap in the morning when you've gone, I'm tired of meeting here or in your office or in my flat. I don't want you to pull away every time the going gets tough; I want to be able to count on your support. I need to be able to communicate with you; discuss things not have you shut down. How are you going to get through a divorce if you back off each time something gets difficult? Most of all if I'm going to live with the guilt I have each day, I want to know it's for a reason, that one day – not tomorrow or next week or next month but one day soon I'm not going to have to share you."

"I can't do it, not yet." Neil's voice is almost a whisper; he swallows dropping his gaze to the ground.

"You've my key and my number when you can." Andrea's voice cracks; she can feel tears building like water behind a dam wall. Every part of her is surprised she got through what she wanted to say. The tears break as she kisses Neil for the last time she knows of, wiping her lipstick from his lips she whispers she loves him.

Winding her car down through the car park she fights the urge to turn the car around and take him back, her head wins out, she knows there are fundamental things that have to be fixed if they're going to be together and the relationship is to sustain itself.

* * *

To be continued…In the next story. Story ID:2562611 


End file.
